deeply

the more people i love, the more fractured i feel.  i mean.. if you’re not going to love deeply then why bother to love at all.  and the deeper you love, the more it hurts to be away from them.  maybe this is all part of learning how God feels about us. – k.e.

hopes

recover from a broken heart

let him fly

Ain’t no talkin to this man
Ain’t no pretty other side
Ain’t no way to understand the stupid words of pride
It would take an acrobat, and I already tried all that so
I’m gonna let him fly
Things can move at such a pace
The second hand just waved goodbye
You know the light has left his face
But you can’t recall just where or why
So there was really nothing to it
I just went and cut right through it
I said I’m gonna let him fly

There’s no mercy in a live wire
No rest at all in freedom
Of the choices we are given it’s no choice at all
The proof is in the fire
You touch before it moves away
But you must always know how long to stay and when to go

And there ain’t no talkin to this man
He’s been tryin to tell me so
It took awhile to understand the beauty of just letting go
Cause it would take an acrobat, I already tried all that
I’m gonna let him fly
I’m gonna let him fly
I’m gonna let him fly

what the what?

the students at school are participating in an extension of poetry week.  they are all responsible for memorizing poems and reciting them to several people in order to receive a grade.  one student chose the “Confederate Anthem.”  another one of my students today asked if I had heard it and asked if liked it…i answered honestly, and i don’t like it…and not just because i am a yankee.  it talks about wishing the confederacy had one, and that they should have killed more people than they did.

i did not appreciate the “poem”.  my student could not believe that i did not like it.

we continued to have a conversation on war and and people’s lives.

it was so hard for me to understand him, and he was astonished that i did not agree with his point of view.  i understand that i live in a country where people have fought for my freedom and lives have been lost…however, i will never celebrate or rejoice over lives being lost at the hands of others, despite justification.

meanwhile, this student was triumphing over the loss of life when he felt it was justified.  the student then progressed to talking about how the atomic bomb was necessary.  and when i asked whether or not he felt that a weapon that causes people to be disintegrated on the sidewalk was necessary…he responded “it stopped the japanese didn’t it?”

what the what?!

taken aback

am i wrong for not understanding why people may think that taking another’s life is acceptable based on circumstance?  i understand that it does happen, but i will never triumph over it.  am i close-minded in thinking this view is wrong?  am i wrong in thinking that this student’s concept of truth is skewed?  am i wrong in thinking that i have to get this kid to change his mind?

got fruit?

love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control

Tim Keller talks about them all being linked together…how can we know if we are growing?  if you’re growing in all of them

I also notice that when I am lacking in “some” of them…I’m technically lacking in all.

when I have a lack of joy and peace, I notice that the amount of patience I have for people…especially my students…is lacking…which then effects my kindness, goodness and gentleness…definitely my self-control.  which ultimately all effects my love, and faithfulness.

Lord help me to find all these things in you and your Spirit, so that I may be better at reflecting them to others

no man’s land

sometimes I feel:

not worth the risk of losing

…but not worth having

a place where no one really wants to be

yesterday morning

Yesterday morning every part of her just shut down
Getting out of bed never felt so difficult before
Every step she took led to the wrong direction
And she never made it out her door

Yesterday morning Jamie yielded to all she hates
But if she despises it so much why did she give in
Seems like this battle just can’t be won
And she’s stuck there alone again.

She said I’m so sick of this stumble, stumble that I’ve been calling a walk
And so I’m tired of the mumble, mumble that I’ve described as a talk
And now I guess its time I lose myself
To the one who found me here, who found me here

Yesterday morning every part of her just shut down
and All that she knew or thought she knew flew out the door
Things she loves so easily forgotten
Now Jamie can’t love no more

She said I’m so sick of this stumble, stumble that I’ve been calling a walk
And so I’m tired of the mumble, mumble that I’ve described as a talk
And now I guess its time I lose myself
To the one who found me here
Found me here, found me, found me here

June 2010… :)

Lord providing

beyond blessed

excerpts from TK

We are doing a Tim Keller study on prayer for our Bible study.  here are some excerpts of what we went over and what we are going over this week…what if we really prayed like this?  what if we really thought like this?…

” “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.  And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” – Ephesians 3:16-19

This is a perplexing prayer from one perspective.  Paul is praying Christians, who by definition are people who already have Christ dwelling within them!  And surely all Christians know Christ loves them, or they wouldn’t have saving faith.  Not only that, but all Christians have the fullness of God dwelling in them.  So what is Paul asking for?

Just as it is one thing to have a bank account and another to draw on it, so it is one thing to have God as Father and Jesus as Lover and another thing to draw on that and actually experience it – to be actually shaped by it in the depth of your emotional life and in the breadth of your life out in the world.  Paul wants us not to just believe that the full glory and greatness of God is within us, but to actually sense the glory, to be overwhelmed and filled with it.  He is praying that we would grasp the truth of who and what Christ is until it becomes much more than a rational proposition.  He wants us to come under its power so that it affects us from the inside out.  For example, do you know God loves you?  If you do, why do you get so inconsolable when others criticize you?  When the truth of God’s love for you really “catches fire”, when the truth about God’s love gets big – when it disturbs and comforts and thrills you – then you will find that criticism doesn’t harm you as it did before.  The truth has descended into the heart.  That is what Paul is praying for.  “

do we let this truth penetrate every aspect of our lives?  that we are loved by God?  do we ever doubt this?…if we do, why do we doubt it?  if we don’t doubt it, how often do we forget it?

i’m going to hopefully be more diligent on remembering what disturbs, comforts, and thrills me

black holes and revelations/ moment of surrender

U2 and Muse came to Cville…amazing!  Rose and I had a great time.  At one point in the show, though it may sound heretical…but it felt like a foretaste of the kingdom to come.  There were 60,000 people at the show.  Bono started singing “Amazing Grace.”  Everyone started singing too.  It felt like a small glimpse of when we all will be worshipping the Lord and instead of Bono leading it…Jesus!