I’ll have to take a rain check

26 02 2008

…ironically the rainy season in Nigeria is approaching…

so, after much prayer, seeking advice, and reflection…plus due to circumstances, my trip to Nigeria is postponed.

It was hard having to make this decision because at first it seemed like things were falling into place and this was something God was really laying on my heart.  However, through more prayer, and because of financial circumstances the conclusion arose that I can’t go in April as the opportunity had presented itself.

How am I feeling about this?

Well, I don’t regret not being able to go.  I will regret never going though.  I prayed diligently about it and so did many very great friends.  I really have a peace about it too, which really is that peace that surpasses understanding…probably because I don’t understand it of course.  Peace knowing that not if I go but whenever it does happen it will be in God’s own timing and not my own.

My boss Rae said that it’s ok that I can’t go this time.  She said that it’s an open invitation (also open to any friends I know that would feel the tug on their heart to go as well).  I guess I just have to continue to pray and save up money for it.

Not only praying and saving up for Nigeria…

…but praying and saving up to return back to Peru is also on my heart.

 God is so good.





baaaaaah

18 02 2008

Call me a sheep…Allie, Case, Spence, Beth, and Nate all did it after Breza…here’s mine:

My favorite ice cream: Moose Tracks

My favorite song ever: Worlds Apart - Jars of Clay

My favorite song this year: Here It Goes- Jimmy Eat World

My favorite team: Penn State Nittany Lions

My favorite food: Sushi…duh

My favorite person to fight: either Melissa cuz she just screams in the corner, or Sean Greer…we fight like brother and sister…which usually includes screaming and biting

My favorite obsession: What Not to Wear marathons

My favorite alcoholic drink: Malibu Bay Breeze

My favorite drink: Dr. Pepper

My favorite restaurant: Faccia Luna in State College

My favorite shoes: Reef flip flops

My favorite place to visit: anywhere outdoors with people I love

My favorite female blogger: Allie…for the same reason ;)

My favorite male blogger: so many to choose from…Case-I feel like I’m there experiencing life with him because he does it so often; Ben Wygant-I laugh out loud every single time; Breza-just cuz

My favorite clothing: jeans and Old Navy ribbed tank tops

My favorite TV show: haven’t watched it much lately…Project Runway

My favorite color: Green

My favorite book: The Giving Tree

My favorite person(s) to laugh with: Allie, Melissa, and Elisa

My favorite person to tease: Melissa

My favorite sport to play: volleyball

My favorite person to nap with: Amanda Lang

My favorite dog: Sushi (not the food, my first dog)

My favorite movie: for content-Crash; for humor and quoting-Mean Girls

My favorite holiday: Easter…because it’s usually spent at the Hemphill house, includes bruschetta and cannolis…and may just involve watching Mark go up and sing in front of the church

My favorite candy: Take 5…chocolate, caramel, and peanut butter all on a pretzel…um helllooooooooo

My favorite day: Saturday

My favorite place to sleep: oustide under the stars

My favorite thing to do: laugh uncontrollably with my friends

What are yours?





contemplation

12 02 2008

still trying to figure out what I’m going to do about Nigeria. I’ve been praying a lot about it, but probably still not enough about it. God totally got his hands in there and worked out some crazy stuff about me being able to go though. 2 days after my boss told me to pray about going with her, I had a conversation with a really amazing friend of mine who said that he didn’t want money to be the reason I couldn’t go and he told me to pray about it and get back to him because he wants to help me on this trip. I was absolutely floored!!! – in good way of course (Beth I know you use FLOORED when you’re expressing frustration sometimes) :)

however, I’m still not sure. I’m totally excited, but a little nervous nonetheless. My parents are terrified. When I talked to my parents on the phone yesterday all my mom was yelling in the background was “AIDS!” My dad had just read an article in the local newspaper back home about a missionary that went to Nigeria and all the hardships they faced while being there. Rae (my boss) told me that everything you hear about Nigeria is true, but she knows which areas absolutely not to take me to and areas to keep me away from. Knowing that Rae knows what’s up definitely calms me about it. But it’s still a little intimidating regardless. I’m not going there blindly either, we studied Nigeria in one of my PLSC classes senior year, so I do have an idea of the history and the state of the country when considering some of the tribes, regions, and their political regime, so that helps too.

Time is another thing. I should be there about 10 days. I’ll be going off to Africa…mmmm possibly 2 days or so after I return from 8 days in Japan. That’s a lot of time away from the Fellows. I am convicted about that too.

Also,

Do I want to go because it’s an amazing opportunity? or is it really something on my heart that God wants me to do? It will definitely put a face to poverty, tribalism, political corruption and spiritual warfare that is talked about but often forgotten as it is not directly related to me (hey generation, it’s about me me me afterall right?). More of a reality slap I guess…one often needed every now and then.

Continuing to pray about this…Hey Jesus,





::sigh::

11 02 2008

i long for the community i once had





the two prodigal sons

5 02 2008

“hold onto your lug nuts it’s tiiiiiiiiime for an overhaul!!!”…

To people who have heard the story of ‘the prodigal son’ they might be doing the ‘doggy-head tilt’ huh? right now.  Mariko, you’re crazy, 2 prodigal sons, psssshhh.

 2 weeks ago our bible study did a study on a sermon by Tim Keller that was so convicting in so many different ways for me.

In Luke 15, Jesus tells the parable of ‘the prodigal son.’  Everyone looks at the younger brother as the one that is after the inheritance of the father, runs from him, is the one that experiences lostness and is the one that needs to return home.  Tim Keller talks about how BOTH brothers were prodigal sons.

Jesus starts off the parable saying 11″There was a man who had two sons.”  Jesus compares the two brothers, but it seems most tend to concentrate on the younger brother the most and seem to forget the older brother until the end.  We always get so warm and fuzzy thinking about how God welcomes back the runaway, but miss the way that if we as believers are the ‘older brother’ we too are running, lost, and need to be brought back.  Though there are two kinds of people/running/lostness…there is still only one way home.

There are two kinds of people Jesus addresses…the religious – Pharisees, Sadducees, ‘older brother types’, and the tax collectors, prostitutes-’younger brother types.’  The younger brother lives in depravity and the older brother refuses to see it.

Jesus shows the two sons, both are alienated from the father’s heart…the younger brother for his disobedience; the older brother for his ’goodness’.  Keller talks about how both run from the Father.

“At heart both were absolutely the same.  Both were trying to escape the authority of the father, both resented his control and rebelled.  But one did it by breaking all of the father’s rules, and the other did it by keeping them.” – Keller

It’s crazy how we obey sometimes…and by we, I’m concentrating on me.  I find myself obeying at times with an “Ok God, I’m listening to what you say, I’m being a good little Christian…when are you going to bless me?”  ::BLEGH:: It’s so gross to think how many times it seems like I put myself in a position where it’s like, “ok God, you owe me.”  Yet He owes me absolutely nothing, but gives me everything.

“The difference between a religious person and a true Christian is that the religious person obeys God to get control over God, and to get things from God, but the Christian obeys just to get God.  Religious persons obey God to get leverage over God, to control Him, to put Him in a position where they think He owes them.  Therefore, despite their moral and religious fastidiousness, they are actually attempting to be their own saviors.”

“Christians, who know they are only saved by grace and can never control God, obey Him out of a desire to love and please and draw closer to the One who saved them.”

He goes on to talk about how both brothers were after the father’s wealth.  They wanted what the father had…and not HIM.  Ouch.  This hurts me, because I know I do it.  So many times I want what God can give, not just Him.  My joy can come from God’s blessings, not just God himself.

Keller then addresses the ‘lostness’ that the older brother experience:

  • Filled with anger about how life is going – leads to anger if we ‘live up’ to God’s standards and something goes wrong; ‘living right’=anger at God; ‘not living right’=anger at myself
  • joyless, mechanical obedience – obey God as means to an end; **Christians are filled with amazement at the grace of God and so obey out of a delight in pleasing Him for His own sake **
  • coldness to younger-brother types- if I believe I am a sinner saved by grace alone, I will not feel superior to anyone else, not to other cultural or racial groups, not to other faiths, not to immoral people; I will treat others with hope
  • lack of assurance of the father’s love – no intimacy, joy, closeness; if I try to earn my salvation through obeying and my own goodness, uncertainty in my relationship with God is inevitable
  • unforgiving, judgmental spirit – lack of emotional humility and emotional wealth–> “I am no different”; “I am so loved and forgiven by my Father, what does it matter that I was slighted or wronged by him?

…check, check and check…any other takers?

…only one way home…

Not only must we go to the Father, but He comes to us.  He meets us.  He runs out to us and meets us where we are.  God’s grace comes to us.  (I know it’s not about US, but realizing the sacrifices God makes for a creation that has been disobedient for eons)  Repenting of righteousness is important too.  Realizing that I obey God out of loving Him and loving Him alone.  It’s not like mowing the lawn or doing the dishes (which really shouldn’t warrant an allowance from parents either),  but not to say “ok I did what you say…where is my allowance?”

Jesus is the ultimate older brother.

Though we tend to be older brothers a lot, we are also the younger brother.  The younger brother spends every cent of his inheritance…so everything else the father has left belongs to the older brother.  But how does the father bring the younger son back into the family?…with a ring, a robe, a party, a fatted calf…all of these belong to the older brother.

“Jesus Christ is the true elder brother.  By way of contrast with this elder brother, he is revealed to us.  He came to earth and truly obeyed his father and never disobeyed his orders.  He truly has the right to all the father owns.  But instead, he came out and searched for us, and found us in the pigsty, and carried us home on his shoulders singing with joy.  And he gave us his robe, his ring, his place, his wealth…all at his own expense.”

Daaaaaaaang.  Thinking of God is this way, thinking of Jesus in this way, and thinking of my brokenness and self-righteousness in this was was truly humbling and convicting.  I was absolutely undone when we went over this.  It also ignited something in me that also made me think of my own self-righteousness, but not to younger brother, but to other older brothers.

Man, my heart and my head are going crazy right now.  More to come on this goodness…

In the meantime…OH SNAP Jesus, how you work through people.  woot Tim Keller ma brotha.

…let me know what you think :)





OH-EM-GEE!

3 02 2008

um…one of my bosses told me to pray about going to Nigeria with her in April…

oh snap!!!!