a lil better atmostphere at work

someone really sweet sent me these today…def makes my lil cubicle more enjoyable…and definitely smell better

vom status

Ok, so my belly really hurts…probably because when I’m stressed, that’s where my stress goes.

Alot has happened in the past 3 days or so.  Friday we took our last exam for the Fellows program…and probably my last exam ever in my life.  It was pretty rough.  Though I’m really glad that I learned so much about inaugurated eschatology, dispensationalism, reformed theology, pre/a/postmillennialism, etc etc…(so verbose I know blegh)  I’ll be glad to not feel like my brain is going to explode.  I appreciated the classes so much and that it taught me to be more of a “thoughtful Christian” as the program likes to call it, and that I know more deeply in my head about the history and context of scripture.  However, I am looking forward to exploring more of Jesus as the Lover of my soul and more about my heart.  It’s been a little dry, so I’m looking forward to that.

Anyways, so that was on Friday.  Saturday was a great day being able to have a phone that works, and enjoying the company of Dorothy and Rose.  We laid in a park talking, had silly times shopping, and had an amazing dinner at a Japanese steakhouse…woot!  It was SUCH A GREAT DAY!  not having to worry about studying, having to be somewhere, or having to do something.  Not having a schedule that day was absolutely glorious…not to mention the really sweet glasses we got to keep from the steakhouse…try drinking out of the belly of a sumo…it’s glorious!

Sunday, the Fellows were commissioned in front of the church.  They prayed for us in both services and it was really special.  I also found a letter in the mail from The Covenant School…

They appreciated me applying, and my application is going to be put on “active status” for a year.  Which I guess means, if something opens up that I meet qualifications for, they’ll let me know.  I’m not going to lie, I was discouraged by the letter, not as discouraged as I thought I was going to be though.  I was really glad that I manned up and applied.  But it was still hard. 

So now my belly is like…ok what are we going to do? 

This morning I told Josh about the whole Covenant thing and where that puts me.  I’m still coaching in the fall, but I don’t know what else I’m going to do and need to figure that out.  I’m trying really hard not to worry and rely and trust in the fact that God knows what’s going on even though I don’t.  And the fact that he knows should give me comfort, but it still is hard sometimes.  Josh was talking to his friend Katie who works at a private Christian school in Philly…who is looking for teachers…she’s going to contact me…

::insert stress in belly::

What if I moved to Philly?  It’s funny because I was toying with the idea in the fall.  But then dropped it.  But what if I really did?…I really want to coach at Covenant, and I did make a commitment, but I haven’t filled out any paperwork yet.  I met with the head coach whom I really like…and talked with the Athletic Director this morning about paperwork and background checks.  I’m not a huge fan of Philly…but…Melissa is there, Yuki is there, Zen is probably going to be there, I’m closer to a large majority of my friends living in eastern PA (Elisa, Breza, Beth, Spencer, Emily, Jon, etc), I’m still equi-distant from my parents and my friends in DC… I don’t know.  I need to pray a lot about this, and need a lot of prayer as well.

I really don’t know what to do.  I feel like I’m going to vom right now with all these decisions and possibilities.  What if I don’t stay in Charlottesville?  What will happen if I do?  I don’t know.  I need the Lord to help me to not worry about tomorrow, for today will worry about itself…help me not to worry about it because I know that He has me.

the finish line is in sight…despite the boulder of an exam

We are almost done with the Fellows Program.  After our New Testament class’ final on Friday, there will be 3 days of work left and a week at the Outer Banks.  Crazy how fast/long it’s gone by…

I finally grew a set

Well…not literally, but figuratively and spiritually…while still maintaining my femininity…Josh is thankful for that. 

I had been toying/meditating with the idea of teaching.  But had always wondered how I would go about it considering that I do not have a degree in education…I felt like my own musical number from ‘Avenue Q’…instead of “What do you do with a BA in English”…it was international politics.  Ohhh liberal arts, how you make it so much easier on us in college, til we get slapped in the face afterwards when there is little we can do with our degrees without going to grad school or 15 years of previous experience…wonderful!

Well anyways…little ranty there…oops!  There is a school in Charlottesville called ‘The Covenant School.’  From the name, you can probably assume…we all know what happens when you assume…but you’re most likely right…it’s a private Christian school.  My host brother John, and a lot of the kids in youth group go to Covenant.  The nice thing about private schools is that they don’t require you to have a teaching certificate…::fist pump:: 

I had been thinking about applying there since…um…January.  However, there was the little voice that kept telling me, “you’re not going to get it” “you’re not qualified” “why would they hire you over someone else?”  The crappy thing is that I actually listened to that little voice for a while.  I let it get to me and paralyze me…I also let myself procrastinate on turning in all the papers. 

After praying about it, and having Jesus help me dropkick that voice in the larynx…I manned up, put some final touches on my resume and cover letter, finished the 8 page application (phew) and sent that fatty of an envelope in the mail today.  It’s all in Jesus’ hands now.  I’m already going to be coaching JV girls’ volleyball and assistant coaching Varsity in the fall, which I am super pumped about.  The possibility of working at Covenant makes me excited too.  There’s a lot of kids at Covenant that could care less about Jesus because their parents didn’t want to send them to public school, they just don’t have a relationship with him at all, or they’ve become complacent in their faith.  I’m excited to shake things up a bit for the kingdom if it’s where God wants me.

I’m mad that I let Satan get to me in the form of that little voice depreciating my worth, which is in Christ alone.  I give this situation to Jesus.  I put myself out there.  Wherever the Lord wants me He will have me, because that’s where I want to be.  We’ll see what happens…

I encourage you to ‘grow a set’ in faith!