Imagination

While I was driving back to Cville today, I was thinking about a lot of things all at once.  I listened to this Bethany Dillon song and it kind of just brought back into focus some things in my life that I may have forgotten or just not paid much attention to.  It made me cry, so I obviously have some things going on that need to be worked out and need to be transformed by grace…

I need to be reminded of who I was
When I took my first steps out the door
All I said now follows me around
I’m reminded I’m not like that anymore

I uprooted and miles behind me
Are the faces and the home I love
You’ve brought to my attention
I’m slowly changing and becoming
What I wanted to stop

Isn’t that just like a finite mind
Setting out with such righteous indignation
But now I’m at your feet
Could you look at me with some imagination

The bush before me, I slip my sandals off
I only stopped to look
In the depths of the sea, in the midst of a great storm
I run, I run from you

Isn’t that just like a finite mind
Setting out with such righteous indignation
But now I’m at your feet
Could you look at me with some imagination

So remind me why you woke me up
And why you wake me every morn
The staff in my hand
Held in by your love
Just stay close, stay close

Because I know my own mind
I set out with righteous indignation
But when I’m at your feet
Please look at me with some imagination
With some imagination

making my lungs pink

well kids, the Fellows program is officially over.  9 months of crazy scheduled life…done.

well, sorta.

Technically it is done and over with for the 5th class of Trinity Fellows, but the time that it is going to take to be able to process everything that has gone on these past 9 months is probably going to be endless.  Though I feel like I’ve learned so much about the gospel, scripture, the role of the church, the way I see the world and endless other things (which I can place no value on at all)…sometimes I feel like I’m sort of in the same place that I was a year ago.

The Fellows Program has a lot of little phrases that they use to describe what the year will look like:

“It’s like drinking out of a firehose”

“These 9 months will be a sprint to make your lungs pink for the marathon of life that lies ahead”

…how about them apples huh.  Well though I feel more equipped in being thoughtful about things, I’m not so sure if I feel any more equipped for making decisions in my life as to what I’m supposed to do, where God wants me or anything like that.  I know I know, just trust in God’s plan for me.  Which I’m doing much better at not freaking out or worrying my face off, but I still feel like I did at the end of my senior year.  What am I supposed to do in the fall?  Where is my life headed?  I’m not going to lie, but I came into this year thinking that I would know what I wanted to do and what I was supposed to do at the end of the program…apparently that was silly of me to assume that.

I do feel like I’m handling the worrying over those big decision better though…or I guess I should say that I’m casting more of those worries off of myself and onto Christ…which is a big difference from last year.  Where at the drop of a hat I would be bawling in 5 seconds over what to do with my life.

One of the things that I really do trust in is the fact that God is continually working in me and the times when its ridiculously rough are the times that I have to remember that sanctification is a looooooong process.  The refiner’s fire hurts.  But in the end it is a beautiful process and I’m learning to keep trusting in that.