Where are you?

I’m finishing up the rest of the Old Testament overview with my kids this week.  They have a test on Friday…dun dun duuuuunnnnn.  As we were going over their note sheet and reviewing what they should write down in some of the blanks I was reminded myself of something…

Genesis 3…the Fall.  Asking my students, to make sure they got a huge theme, what is God’s initial reaction?…Where are you?  God pursues Adam and Eve.

Pursuit.

Since school and volleyball started, I’ve hit the ground running.  From lesson planning, to teaching, to practices, to games and tournaments, and not to mention long trips for weekends of weddings…I’ve been a little busy.  My day goes from pillow, to Covenant activities, back to my pillow.  Losing touch with friends, and with Jesus…despite the fact that I’m teaching the Bible.  And also realizing that what I had feared that would happen with taking seminary classes was happening, buy becoming more of an intellectual with my faith as opposed to continue being my heart-heavy self.  I was so focused on getting the ‘information’ right.  Making sure I was teaching my kids the ‘right stuff.’  But by doing this, I was ignoring the fact that as I was teaching it, I should have had the heart where I too was meeting Christ in the process.

But, by just going over that one blank on the sheet of notes, I was reminded that He still is pursuing me.  No matter how busy I make myself, He still comes after me.  Man I don’t freaking deserve it, but He does it.  His mercy and and grace – unbelievable. 

Where are you?

paper bag

The 25th was the first day of school for Covenant.  http://www.covenantschool.org/ I like it so much like I said before.  I feel like I need to write down about something that hasn’t happened to me in a long time…like since junior high/high school…because it happened last Tuesday.

Tuesday we started right at the beginning…Genesis 1 “In the beginning God…”  I was sitting in on the other Bible teacher’s class just so I could gauge how far I should go in my material.  With “in the beginning” we were talking about we have a beginning and an end on earth, God doesn’t, our we as finite beings can’t really fathom what being infinite means…etc. etc.  The other teacher drew a line on the board indicating time.  Where we are now and many years from now when we won’t be here on earth…I couldn’t breathe.

My hands got sweaty, my heart started racing, I got tunnel vision, my stomach leaped into my throat, I felt filled with fear, and I couldn’t breathe.  I hadn’t felt that way in years when talking about time, death.  When I was younger, I used to have times where I would freak out, hyperventilate, and have an anxiety attack when thinking about dying and about time.  I would scream for my mom in the middle of the night.  And other times it would happen when I was in some kind of history class when there’s a lot of concentration of time.  And there I was, sitting in Bible class, freaking out and not being able to breathe.

I felt like I needed a paper bag.  All I could do was put my head down and pray for Jesus to give me peace and calm my heart.  Sometimes I feel ashamed that I end up freaking out about that.  I am a believer and follower of Christ.  Because of Christ death is not my end.  It has been defeated.  Does it mean that I’m doubting those beliefs?  What is that all about?  Seriously woman!

Lord give me relief and security in your goodness.  Help me with my disbelief.

i got my lunch packed up and my shoes tied tight, i hope i don’t get in a fight…back to school

Man life has been busy.  This whole teaching thing is so much more than I expected.  I have a whole new appreciation for teachers…especially teachers that coach.  I love my job.  Yes I am at school for somewhere around 10-12 hours…but I love what I’m doing.  I love my kids and my girls on the teams.

One of the things that I think I enjoy the most about teaching and coaching is watching their faces when they ‘get it.’  When they have those “ah-ha” moments.  When you see in their eyes that the lightbulb in their head goes on.  I just get so pumped for those moments.  The one class we never get through all the material I have planned for that day because the kids in my class love to participate in class discussion.  Seeing some of them squirming in their seats with their hands raised because they want to contribute is so awesome…why is it so awesome?…because they’re getting excited about talking about the Bible. 

Tuesday, we were finishing up Genesis 2 after it goes into detail about how God made man and woman.  Telling the girls that they were God’s finale of creation was so stellar.  I could see on their faces that they were thinking about it, and every single girl in each of my classes smiled.  Awwwwwesome!

The one class I like alot, but…instead of participating more in discussion…they participate with each other.  It’s funny to see them act up and have them think that I don’t see what they are doing.  When I call them on it…they seem so shocked.  I think they forget that it wasn’t too long ago that I was where they were sitting and at times did the exact same thing.  Oh adolescence. 

It’s been exciting.  I do get worn out a lot, but I was journaling today and just kept asking the Lord to remind me that I can’t do it on my own.  It’s impossible without Him.  And also that as I’m teaching these kids, that not only would He meet them where they are, but that I would meet Him as well.