The 25th was the first day of school for Covenant. http://www.covenantschool.org/ I like it so much like I said before. I feel like I need to write down about something that hasn’t happened to me in a long time…like since junior high/high school…because it happened last Tuesday.
Tuesday we started right at the beginning…Genesis 1 “In the beginning God…” I was sitting in on the other Bible teacher’s class just so I could gauge how far I should go in my material. With “in the beginning” we were talking about we have a beginning and an end on earth, God doesn’t, our we as finite beings can’t really fathom what being infinite means…etc. etc. The other teacher drew a line on the board indicating time. Where we are now and many years from now when we won’t be here on earth…I couldn’t breathe.
My hands got sweaty, my heart started racing, I got tunnel vision, my stomach leaped into my throat, I felt filled with fear, and I couldn’t breathe. I hadn’t felt that way in years when talking about time, death. When I was younger, I used to have times where I would freak out, hyperventilate, and have an anxiety attack when thinking about dying and about time. I would scream for my mom in the middle of the night. And other times it would happen when I was in some kind of history class when there’s a lot of concentration of time. And there I was, sitting in Bible class, freaking out and not being able to breathe.
I felt like I needed a paper bag. All I could do was put my head down and pray for Jesus to give me peace and calm my heart. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I end up freaking out about that. I am a believer and follower of Christ. Because of Christ death is not my end. It has been defeated. Does it mean that I’m doubting those beliefs? What is that all about? Seriously woman!
Lord give me relief and security in your goodness. Help me with my disbelief.
