I feel like there is so much to write, I don’t even know where to start…let’s try this:
sin sucks
It is so engulfing. dark. consuming. secretive. embarassing.
shameful
why is it that when we sin…well at least when I sin, it seems as if the little voice keeps saying the same things over and over…”if only other people knew how dirty and messed up you really are…you can’t let other people know that you’re still struggling with this…you may really be crazy…if you were just strong enough you could fix this…
and then there’s the tough one “if you just prayed enough and loved Jesus enough, He will fix you”
well, here I sit 7 years later. still held captive. still reaching for redemption.
well, I guess I can’t say that I’m completely held captive. I have experienced growth and freedom. it’s just hard. I know that in the end my victory is in Christ, but I’m not going to lie…Satan puts up one heck of a fight.
the lies we hear from others. the lies we tell ourselves. the downward spiral of shame.
what I really need is the Gospel. I need to let it permeate everything in my life. every part of my being. daily. I need to focus on the “Gospel of the Present.”
Gospel of the past – Jesus died for my sins. as an atonement. was resurrected to glorify himself and to bring new life.
Gospel of the future – Jesus will come again. will restore everything.
Gospel of the present -Jesus is at work right now. working out the sanctification of those who follow him.
Jesus is working in me now though I may not see it. or though I tend to get in the way. I need Jesus daily. all the time.
instead of being held captive by my sin and struggles. I need to be captivated by the Gospel. but also know that I can’t do it. Christ help me.
