June 2010… :)

Lord providing

beyond blessed

captivity

I feel like there is so much to write, I don’t even know where to start…let’s try this:

sin sucks

It is so engulfing. dark. consuming. secretive. embarassing.

shameful

why is it that when we sin…well at least when I sin, it seems as if the little voice keeps saying the same things over and over…”if only other people knew how dirty and messed up you really are…you can’t let other people know that you’re still struggling with this…you may really be crazy…if you were just strong enough you could fix this…

and then there’s the tough one “if you just prayed enough and loved Jesus enough, He will fix you”

well, here I sit 7 years later.  still held captive.  still reaching for redemption.

well, I guess I can’t say that I’m completely held captive.  I have experienced growth and freedom.  it’s just hard.  I know that in the end my victory is in Christ, but I’m not going to lie…Satan puts up one heck of a fight.

the lies we hear from others.  the lies we tell ourselves.  the downward spiral of shame.

what I really need is the Gospel.  I need to let it permeate everything in my life.  every part of my being.  daily.  I need to focus on the “Gospel of the Present.”

Gospel of the past – Jesus died for my sins.  as an atonement.  was resurrected to glorify himself and to bring new life.

Gospel of the future – Jesus will come again.  will restore everything.

Gospel of the present -Jesus is at work right now.  working out the sanctification of those who follow him.

Jesus is working in me now though I may not see it.  or though I tend to get in the way.  I need Jesus daily.  all the time.

instead of being held captive by my sin and struggles.  I need to be captivated by the Gospel.  but also know that I can’t do it.  Christ help me.

OH-EM-GEE!

um…one of my bosses told me to pray about going to Nigeria with her in April…

oh snap!!!!

Te Amo Peru

Sorry I’ve been lame and it’s been forever since I’ve posted…I’ve had some things on my heart to share, but haven’t had the time to sit down and actually post, or even feel like I had the words to even say what I want to say.

 I guess I can talk about the kids that went to Peru.  A big group of kids from ACF went down to Chilca, Peru for 2 weeks over Christmas break to help build an orphanage.  Pretty sweet eh?  My man Dave Mosemann, who was on my team when I went down to Peru a few years ago where my ‘Iron’ and I met, is a grad student at Penn State getting his masters in architecture.  He had the genius idea of designing a building for an orphanage as his masters’ thesis…and actually raised the funds and gathered the man-power to do it!!  Dave describes the building as:

“The orphanage will be mostly constructed by teams of unskilled volunteers, and therefore utilized an assembly systerm of non-loadbearing metal stud wall and roof panels.  Metal stud wall panels are light-weight to carry, allow for insulation and drywall finishes.  Masonry, the traditional building style in Peru, will be used sparingly as it requires skill and is not structurally sound in earthquake prone areas, which Chilca is.” …in other words this building is going to be money in the bank!!

How killer is that?!  Peru has had a soft spot in my heart ever since I went after freshman year.  The people were so amazing.  Their hospitality, warmth and love were overwhelming.  All regardless of what they had, they were always giving.  The conditions their lives were in gives people in America no reason to complain, yet their faith was so astounding.  Their trust in the Lord was an example of true faith.  Not that we don’t have true faith, it was just with what little they had, their hearts were filled with the love of Christ and that was more than sufficient for them where they were overflowing wanting to share God’s love with others.

I wanted to go back there so badly, and I hope to one day, but I’m so pumped for the guys that got to go.  They all worked their faces off on ‘Hannah’s Hope’ and it’s really starting to look like a building now.  Not only did they go to work on Hannah’s Hope, but they sent some groups down to Chincha to help with earthquake relief.  Back this summer, a devastating earthquake hit Peru.  It registered an 8.0!!!  It claimed the lives of over 500 people, injuring over a thousand, and effecting the lives of thousands.  Chincha was one of the places heavily affected by the earthquake.  It’s a humbling reminder of how little we truly are, but also a reminder of how we need to care for each other and help one another as much as we can.

I thought about all the stellar kids down there and prayed for them every day.  I’m so glad the guys made it safely down and back.  Continue to be praying for and thinking of those going down again to continue the building process and the children that will be given a place to stay while they are awaiting loving homes. 

this will still forever be my favorite picture that I took in Peru

i celebrate the day

this is one of the best Christmas songs everrrrrrr!…Breza I know you posted this too, but I gotta share the goodness as well!!

With this Christmas wish is missed
The point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know
How much You’ve touched my life because
Here is where You’re finding me
In the exact same place as New Year’s Eve
And from the lack of my persistency
We’re less than half as close as I wanna be

And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did you know that it would change this world forever
And the first time that You opened your eyes
Did you realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And so this Christmas I’ll compare
The things I’ve felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear
That You have come to meet me here

To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me
And the hope that
That You give
That You were born so I might really live
To look back
And think that
This baby would one day save me…

And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever
And the first time that You opened Your eyes
Did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips
Did You know that it would change this world forever

And I
I celebrate the day
That You were born to die
So I could one day
Pray for You to save my life
Pray for You to save my life
Pray for You to save my life

the life of a fellow

a lot of people have wondered what I’m doing down here in Virginia…besides the fact that it is for Lovers…but that’s besides the point. Here’s a little glimpse into my life and the stellar people in it

ladies…

gentlemen…

all of these ridiculously sweet pictures (snapping and editing) courtesy of

Eric Kelley

Abundant Life

Though this is a rambling of my heart…it’s also a daily dose of ferocious because it’s something that I’ve developed a passion for…

Every Thursday we go to Johnson Elementary school. We go there to participate with Abundant Life Ministries (http://charlottesvilleabundantlife.org). It’s an after school program that provides tutoring for kids among other things. The majority of the kids that go to Johnson Elementary are from the Prospect Ave neighborhood and Blue Ridge Common Apartments. This is the I guess you could call the inner city area of Charlottesville. Some of the students come from great families and some come from broken homes. One of the boys was telling me about him hanging out with his father, who is out of jail for the 4th time. Despite what the students’ family lives are like, they all have something in common…they need lovin’ from us.

The boy that I tutor is 8 years old and his name is Ahmad. He is in the second grade. I remember the first couple of weeks that we started tutoring. The first day he was so apathetic and bragging about not caring whether or not he repeated the 2nd grade. He kept having to be pulled aside and talked to by Miss Kerra, one of the directors. But he just didn’t care. Anytime that he wouldn’t want to do something, he would totally and completely shut down. He wouldn’t do his work, he wouldn’t listen to anything that I would say or respond in any way. All he would do is sit there staring at the wall and ignore me. Some of the women running the program were talking about whether or not Ahmad could stay in the program because he wasn’t doing anything.

…but that was in the beginning.

Now, he has been doing absolutely awesome. Ahmad wants to do his homework and the enrichment activities. They make him feel good about himself because he does well and learns from them. He talks to me about his weekend, about school, about lots of things. The kids got their report cards a couple weeks ago, and he was so excited to show me his. He got all really exceptional marks, they don’t do the whole A,B,C thing, like back in my day…haha I sound old. But anyways…he showed me his report card…and then Ahmad said something with such enthusiasm that almost made me cry in front of him…

“I’m going to the 3rd grade.”

He continued to say that after that he’s going to go to 4th then 5th, then middle school. He was so excited he hopped out of his chair, ran over to his cousin and said the same thing.

It has been so amazing tutoring him and spending time with the Abundant Life kids. I love going early and just running around and playing with them. The girls are hilarious playing tag and I just love dancing around with them…me love dancing?…who would have thought, right? They are some of the most affectionate kids as well. They always want you to catch them, hug them, hang on your back or shoulders, jump on you…hold their hands. We took them for pizza and ice skating a while ago, and it was interesting to see their vulnerability especially on the ice. Though they were on the ice, their hard exteriors and the walls that they had up began melting away as they needed us and trusted us to help them.

I definitely have seen redemption in all of this and so much of God’s grace and love. It has been such a blessing to be able to be in these kids lives. To be able to let them know that they don’t have to be angry all the time; that people care about them; that doing well and working hard is awesome. The banquet that was held for them was quite stellar. They were brought into a room filled with several hundreds of people clapping and cheering for them for doing well. They were all dressed up and sang some Christmas carols after dinner and it was adorable. We were so blessed to be able to see them there and to serve them.

“The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus” – 1 Timothy 1:14 …for this I am ridiculously thankful, but because it was poured out abundantly, means it should overflow into the lives of others around me.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10…Jesus came so we could have life, despite the fact that we so do not deserve it…freakin awesome!

These kids are meant to have a life abundant because of Jesus. It is amazing to think that we get to be a little tiny part in that by just sharing God’s love with them.

out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks

man. Last week was ugly for me. I found myself getting angry at everything…let me first say that though it is not an excuse, but I was a little extra pissy because of certain circumstances going on in my body…though I know that that you really don’t want to hear that, but I get pretty bitchy…you can ask Mike, I think he was my punching bag every month. He will attest to it.

but anyways…I get so angry sometimes. Half of the time, I just don’t know why. Everything that anyone says just pisses me off. When we get so wrapped up in ourselves and refuse to acknowledge the crying girl or the silent guy in the corner, I just want to explode. Or when they are acknowledged, but we don’t come back to them to listen and get carried away with ourselves. I know I also shouldn’t talk, because I’ve done it too, we’ve all done it.

I get frustrated when trying to share Jesus out of my heart when people only have Him in their heads. We are never going to completely be able to wrap our minds around God, His ways, who He is, why He does things, His glory…pretty much everything about Him. Which shouldn’t deter us from wanting to know Him more of course, but we’re never going to completely understand Him while we are in our current bodies on this earth. However, He gives us little glimpses of Himself, because that’s all our tiny little minds can handle. We would practically explode if we saw/understood more of God and His glory.

Which is why I’m thankful for feeling Him in my heart. Thinking about His grace and love just completely brings me to tears…(hard to believe…me? crying? I know, it’s crazy, right) But seriously, just thinking about it is my undoing.

Sometimes, we all (me included of course) just need to shut the crap up, get over ourselves, stop asking questions, and just sit back and rest in God. Chill out and let Him love you man. Yes we are sinners and we all suck, which we need to keep reminding ourselves of, but also remind ourselves that’s not the end. Because if we do, we are ignoring what Jesus did for us.

feisty

some thoughts going through my head lately…

mess with someone I love…I will dropkick you in the throat