i got my lunch packed up and my shoes tied tight, i hope i don’t get in a fight…back to school

Man life has been busy.  This whole teaching thing is so much more than I expected.  I have a whole new appreciation for teachers…especially teachers that coach.  I love my job.  Yes I am at school for somewhere around 10-12 hours…but I love what I’m doing.  I love my kids and my girls on the teams.

One of the things that I think I enjoy the most about teaching and coaching is watching their faces when they ‘get it.’  When they have those “ah-ha” moments.  When you see in their eyes that the lightbulb in their head goes on.  I just get so pumped for those moments.  The one class we never get through all the material I have planned for that day because the kids in my class love to participate in class discussion.  Seeing some of them squirming in their seats with their hands raised because they want to contribute is so awesome…why is it so awesome?…because they’re getting excited about talking about the Bible. 

Tuesday, we were finishing up Genesis 2 after it goes into detail about how God made man and woman.  Telling the girls that they were God’s finale of creation was so stellar.  I could see on their faces that they were thinking about it, and every single girl in each of my classes smiled.  Awwwwwesome!

The one class I like alot, but…instead of participating more in discussion…they participate with each other.  It’s funny to see them act up and have them think that I don’t see what they are doing.  When I call them on it…they seem so shocked.  I think they forget that it wasn’t too long ago that I was where they were sitting and at times did the exact same thing.  Oh adolescence. 

It’s been exciting.  I do get worn out a lot, but I was journaling today and just kept asking the Lord to remind me that I can’t do it on my own.  It’s impossible without Him.  And also that as I’m teaching these kids, that not only would He meet them where they are, but that I would meet Him as well.

inspiration from Bjorn

waving it in front of the original “Big Ben”

“kick-back” reading

I’ve never been known to be much of a reader…let alone reading books for personal enjoyment. I have always wanted to be one of those types of people, but either lacked time, motivation, or the ability to keep my drooling passed out face off the pages.

But this summer, with lots of down time, trips to the beach, and with my trip to London, I’ve actually been able to get some reading in which has been quite stellar. Here’s my list so far of goodness I’ve read and goodies I’m hopefully going to get to dig into this upcoming year

Irresistible Revolution Shane Claiborne (soooooo good!!!)

Traveling Mercies – Anne Lamott (awesomely raw)

Velvet Elvis – Rob Bell (diggin’ it already, and I’ve just read the intro and first chapter)

Future Grace – John Piper

Sex and Dating – Mindy Meier

Screwtape Letters – CS Lewis

Ragamuffin Gospel – Brennan Manning

Jesus for President – Shane Claiborne

The Reason for God – Tim Keller

…it seems like I have a lot of work ahead of me. we’ll see how it goes

a Sunday afternoon in Hyde Park

I spent the majority of my last day in London in Hyde Park. The park is huge, it’s so big. It took me forever to walk from one side of the park to the other, and I didn’t even walk across the whole thing. There were sooooo many people in the park. It was the first big weekend for vacation in London, so pretty much everyone and their mom was out that day…plus it was the hottest day of the year in London. I sat there people watching, read “Traveling Mercies”, listened to some music, and kept an eye out for pigeons and other birds (blegh). After a while I also started making a list of things that I saw around me

Dreadlocks, lounge chairs, picnics, children, accents, readers, writers, friends, wine, soccer, birds, couples, sunglasses, skin, languages, smiles, sun, families, paddle boats, rollerblades, naps, loners, sun-dresses, frisbees, rugby, music, laughing, enjoyment, rest

It really was a great time of rest on Sunday on my last day in London…I didn’t get to hang out with the Queen though, she was a little busy and our schedules just didn’t mesh.

in London :)

well, today is my fourth day in London. I arrived on Friday…with no luggage, which was wonderful! My bag finally came late last night, man 3 days here without my stuff was frustrating but I’m in London = woot!!!

I finally got to see WICKED!!!!! It was soooo ridiculously good. My eyes were wide open and my face hurt from smiling. It was absolutely wonderful!

Today has been pretty stellar so far. I’ve been really lucky since I’ve been here because the weather has been relatively pleasant. The sun was out and I was actually sweating a little bit…well, I know that’s not a real surprise but hooray for really nice weather. I’m sitting in an internet cafe in Chinatown in London…sounds a little weird but hey I’ve been walking around London all day and it has been wonderful. My back hurts and I’m developing shin splints from doing all that walking in flip flops, but it has been well worth it Things that I’ve done/seen today: Buckingham Palace (while there was a huge band of royal guards playing and parading around this morning) St. James’ Park, Trafalgar Square, the National Gallery (loved the Monets, Van Goghs, Seurats, Renoirs, Degas) Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, walked by the London Eye, Chinatown, Leicester Square. It’s been a wonderful day.

I also accidentally walked through this one area of Leicester square that was blocked off for something special for the premier of “Dark Knight” oops. There were tons of people behind these gates with Dark Knight posters everywhere, people with cameras, the press, all this media stuff. I tried going through to get around, but I walked into the open area where only people with passes and all that other stuff were allowed. But hey, if you act like you know what you are doing nobody really yells at you

It’s been a great day so far and I look forward to venturing around the city even more

…I also have a whole new appreciation for being a Yank bring it on Brits

WOOT!

I’VE GOT A LITTLE JOBBY GUY!!!!

I’M GOING TO BE A TEACHER!!

I’m going to be teaching 9th grade Bible at the same school where I am coaching volleyball.  Craziness.

Hey God, there you go again always being faithful…every single time…despite my worrying and doubting.  Great is your faithfulness despite everything I do and everything I am

debilitating emotions

It’s crazy to me how often emotions can completely become paralyzing.  I hate how emotions like fear and uncertainty even lead me to doubt and not trust the Lord.  Also when relationships with others aren’t completely right it seems as if there is this fog over everything else… oh wait, yeah, that sounds familiar, especially when it comes to my relationship with Christ.

The past two weeks just have been rough emotionally.  I have my interview tomorrow at Covenant to teach 9th grade Bible.  The confidence that I had in the fact that I could get it and God will equip me and wherever I’m inadequate He will be more than sufficient, is gone.  Learning how to be in relationship with someone for the first time is hard, really hard.  I feel like I totally suck at that one.  My mom is in Japan visiting family, and I miss her alot.  Being in Charlottesville without a steady job or without being a Fellow anymore is weird.  Oh goodness I miss camp.  It’s funny because I didn’t think that I would miss it as much as I really do.  I miss my friends.  Melissa, Kenny, Matty, Breza, Allie, Elisa, Amanda.  It sucks soooo much.

I guess I just feel really alone right now.  I know, I know, I’m not truly alone.  But it’s hard when that isn’t right either.  I just feel like I’m taking up space.  I hate it.  Blah blah blah, I know this will pass.  But it’s just hard right now.

Lord give me the strength for today and a hope for tomorrow.

making my lungs pink

well kids, the Fellows program is officially over.  9 months of crazy scheduled life…done.

well, sorta.

Technically it is done and over with for the 5th class of Trinity Fellows, but the time that it is going to take to be able to process everything that has gone on these past 9 months is probably going to be endless.  Though I feel like I’ve learned so much about the gospel, scripture, the role of the church, the way I see the world and endless other things (which I can place no value on at all)…sometimes I feel like I’m sort of in the same place that I was a year ago.

The Fellows Program has a lot of little phrases that they use to describe what the year will look like:

“It’s like drinking out of a firehose”

“These 9 months will be a sprint to make your lungs pink for the marathon of life that lies ahead”

…how about them apples huh.  Well though I feel more equipped in being thoughtful about things, I’m not so sure if I feel any more equipped for making decisions in my life as to what I’m supposed to do, where God wants me or anything like that.  I know I know, just trust in God’s plan for me.  Which I’m doing much better at not freaking out or worrying my face off, but I still feel like I did at the end of my senior year.  What am I supposed to do in the fall?  Where is my life headed?  I’m not going to lie, but I came into this year thinking that I would know what I wanted to do and what I was supposed to do at the end of the program…apparently that was silly of me to assume that.

I do feel like I’m handling the worrying over those big decision better though…or I guess I should say that I’m casting more of those worries off of myself and onto Christ…which is a big difference from last year.  Where at the drop of a hat I would be bawling in 5 seconds over what to do with my life.

One of the things that I really do trust in is the fact that God is continually working in me and the times when its ridiculously rough are the times that I have to remember that sanctification is a looooooong process.  The refiner’s fire hurts.  But in the end it is a beautiful process and I’m learning to keep trusting in that.

a lil better atmostphere at work

someone really sweet sent me these today…def makes my lil cubicle more enjoyable…and definitely smell better

vom status

Ok, so my belly really hurts…probably because when I’m stressed, that’s where my stress goes.

Alot has happened in the past 3 days or so.  Friday we took our last exam for the Fellows program…and probably my last exam ever in my life.  It was pretty rough.  Though I’m really glad that I learned so much about inaugurated eschatology, dispensationalism, reformed theology, pre/a/postmillennialism, etc etc…(so verbose I know blegh)  I’ll be glad to not feel like my brain is going to explode.  I appreciated the classes so much and that it taught me to be more of a “thoughtful Christian” as the program likes to call it, and that I know more deeply in my head about the history and context of scripture.  However, I am looking forward to exploring more of Jesus as the Lover of my soul and more about my heart.  It’s been a little dry, so I’m looking forward to that.

Anyways, so that was on Friday.  Saturday was a great day being able to have a phone that works, and enjoying the company of Dorothy and Rose.  We laid in a park talking, had silly times shopping, and had an amazing dinner at a Japanese steakhouse…woot!  It was SUCH A GREAT DAY!  not having to worry about studying, having to be somewhere, or having to do something.  Not having a schedule that day was absolutely glorious…not to mention the really sweet glasses we got to keep from the steakhouse…try drinking out of the belly of a sumo…it’s glorious!

Sunday, the Fellows were commissioned in front of the church.  They prayed for us in both services and it was really special.  I also found a letter in the mail from The Covenant School…

They appreciated me applying, and my application is going to be put on “active status” for a year.  Which I guess means, if something opens up that I meet qualifications for, they’ll let me know.  I’m not going to lie, I was discouraged by the letter, not as discouraged as I thought I was going to be though.  I was really glad that I manned up and applied.  But it was still hard. 

So now my belly is like…ok what are we going to do? 

This morning I told Josh about the whole Covenant thing and where that puts me.  I’m still coaching in the fall, but I don’t know what else I’m going to do and need to figure that out.  I’m trying really hard not to worry and rely and trust in the fact that God knows what’s going on even though I don’t.  And the fact that he knows should give me comfort, but it still is hard sometimes.  Josh was talking to his friend Katie who works at a private Christian school in Philly…who is looking for teachers…she’s going to contact me…

::insert stress in belly::

What if I moved to Philly?  It’s funny because I was toying with the idea in the fall.  But then dropped it.  But what if I really did?…I really want to coach at Covenant, and I did make a commitment, but I haven’t filled out any paperwork yet.  I met with the head coach whom I really like…and talked with the Athletic Director this morning about paperwork and background checks.  I’m not a huge fan of Philly…but…Melissa is there, Yuki is there, Zen is probably going to be there, I’m closer to a large majority of my friends living in eastern PA (Elisa, Breza, Beth, Spencer, Emily, Jon, etc), I’m still equi-distant from my parents and my friends in DC… I don’t know.  I need to pray a lot about this, and need a lot of prayer as well.

I really don’t know what to do.  I feel like I’m going to vom right now with all these decisions and possibilities.  What if I don’t stay in Charlottesville?  What will happen if I do?  I don’t know.  I need the Lord to help me to not worry about tomorrow, for today will worry about itself…help me not to worry about it because I know that He has me.